Sending My Baby to Kindergarten and Finding Myself a New Normal

Here it is again, the start to a new school year.  But this year is different….very different.  This year my baby starts kindergarten.

DSC01757.JPG

As I looked around, this summer, it was obvious that I am no longer a stroller mom.  You know the stroller moms. The ones who:

  • Takes 10 minutes to unstrap the kids and get out of the car
  • Has her hair unbrushed and spit up on her clothes
  • Tired (I mean, really tired)
  • Most days doesn’t leave the house due to nap schedules and too much trouble to leave
  • Carrying 100 things at a time

I could go on….

Although I’m still many of those things, I’m no longer in baby phase.  I still deal with tantrums with a louder much bigger child.  I still wear yoga pants when I’m not going to yoga.  I’m still tired and flustered but the differences are huge.

When I was a stroller mom, I remember someone telling me baby phase was ok because “Big kid, big problems.”  I remember looking at her and nodding while thinking, “Talk to me when I’ve slept more than 4 hours straight.”

And it’s true.  Baby moms can’t fully see the beauty in these chubby tiny babies because they suck the life out of you.  Their problems are eat, sleep, play, poop, repeat.  My baby now faces bullies, learning at a pace that is pushed towards testing, increased independence, relationships that I don’t control and situations I can not protect him from.
C315EDB7-80EA-4064-B398-CF192E26B3D9.JPG

As my son takes steps towards his kindergarten doors I regain some of myself.  I regain time in my day, energy that has been taken and quiet I have not had in 8 years.  All of these things I wished for as a stay at home mom desperate in the winter months feeling trapped and lonely are now coming to me.   And now I want my babies back.

For years, all I wanted to do was go to the store alone.  I was once tapped on the shoulder by a nice old woman who calmly said, “Miss, your daughter is standing in the cart.”  As I turned my head back from the cereal aisle she took a leap from her seat and I caught her.  I wanted the calm and now the calm just feels boring.  I talk to myself and look crazy (They were never really listened but at least I had someone with me.)  I need my shopping buddies!

I’m now the mom smiling at babies and telling stories about mine while the stroller mom is thinking, “Talk to me when I’m sleeping more.”

When your baby goes to kindergarten it’s an end of an era.  It’s an era that some may happily leave behind with the diapers and child care tuition.   But with new eras come new problems, big kid problems.

It will change us both.  As a stay at home mom, I gave up my life.  I gave up my job, my only friends were moms at the library and I sacrificed a lot while my husband traveled, I nursed and battled chronic migraine without medication.  I look back at those years as really hard.  Like, tears rolling down my face as I’m writing this HARD.  Those were the days I didn’t recognize myself because I wasn’t just myself, I was them.  Every second of my day revolved around these tiny humans that I had pushed out of my body and continued to give.  Gone are the days of playing and reading to them all day while no longer scraping play doh out of their mouths and  running around wild.

42F61452-B3A8-408C-84D3-E0AED6847AAE

The possibilities of this year are new to my kindergartener, new to me and similar in nature.

I hope he is safe.  We all need safety.

I hope he makes many strong friendships.  I hope to see more of mine.

I hope he is healthy with the new cesspool of germs that will live in his classroom.  I hope with the added time to myself that I can focus more on my health and advocating to improve the lives of many migraine and chronic illness fighters.

As my baby finds his way to the kindergarten doors, it’s hard not to think that I won’t be needed as much.  The reality is, after my oldest went, she needed me more in a big kid, big problem kind of way.  I may not need to teach him to speak, but I need to teach him to communicate.  I may not need to put him down for a nap but I need to help him understand how to relax and decompress after a long day.  I’m no longer his only friend and I need to help him navigate the ways of friendship, building lasting ones and avoiding toxic people.  Now is the time that my baby bird is leaving the nest and I know he will soar above the clouds as I count the seconds until he’s securely tucked back in.

Whether you were a stay at home mom or a full time working parent who has had their child in day care since they were a few months old, you still face the fear of “big kid, big problems.”  You may be looking forward to no more child care payments. You may be relieved to have some added time.  But we all face change in schedule and dynamics in the home.  Everyone’s lives change.

I’m no longer the stroller mom.  I’m the car pool mom, the sports mom, the where ever life takes them mom, the still tired mom.  Regardless of the title, I’m just so proud to be mom.

To a happy, healthy, safe and fun school year!

IMG_4648.jpg

Advertisements

Make Your Vote Count Towards Migraine

Only a few days left…..

I have been nominated  for WEGO Health Awards. “The WEGO Health Awards program was created to recognize and honor those making a difference in the online health community. It provides the opportunity for community members to thank and support the Patient Leaders and patient-centric initiatives they admire.”

I need your help to endorse my nominations.  I’ve been nominated for

 

Please go to this link and click the orange thumbs up “endorse My Migraine Life” below my picture. You can endorse each category.

Image-1 (1)

I work so hard year round to advocate and increase migraine awareness.  Your endorsement is your way of participating and inspiring my efforts.

Don’t forget to share your endorsement on social media to encourage your followers to do the same.

Thank you!

 

 

 

Puppy Alert….We’ve Added to Our Family

I have an announcement to make……..

We have added to our family!  After loosing my best friend, migraine warrior and therapy animal, Lucia, we decided to add some love to our home.  Remember Lucia and Sammy here

Meet Charlie……

 

Charlie Red is a Golden Retriever.  He has brought happiness and puppy energy  into our house.  He is our new normal and such a good boy.  He loves to play outside and eat mulch, dress up and cheer on his sister’s swim team efforts and fully supports my writing and blogging career.  He eats a lot, plays a lot, and sleeps a lot.

 

Thank you to everyone who has supported me during my greatest loss.  Many people remind me that he’s not a replacement.  My answer to that is, OF COURSE NOT.  Charlie is a different life time for all of us and there is no comparison.  It has been the most difficult summer of my life after loosing Lucia, 13, and Sammy, 20.  Charlie has made the house less quiet, less lonely and fills it with new memories.  His sweet face and curious eyes  makes us smile!

E0B53294-F29B-4ABD-B72D-042CBFB16681

Wet ears=happy puppy post walk and big drink

Charlie plans to make his Instagram debut  @mymigrainelife

**************************************************************************************

Don’t forget to endorse my nominations for WEGO AWARDS.  WEGO awards many bloggers from a variety a conditions.  Let’s let Migraine be represented and supported.  Thank you!

ENDORSE HERE

WEGO Health Awards Nominee for Advocating and Influencing the Migraine Community. Endorse Now

Please endorse and share my nomination. Thank you for all of your support!

My Migraine Life

Featured Image -- 230

I am excited to announce that I have been nominated for the 2018 WEGO Health Awards!!!!!!! I have been nominated for “best kept secret” “best in show Instagram” “best in show community” and “best in show facebook” WOW!!!!!!!!

WEGO Health is a mission-driven company connecting healthcare with the experience, skills, and insights of patient leaders. They are the world’s largest network of patient leaders, working across virtually all health conditions and topics.
The WEGO Health Awards were created to celebrate those who tirelessly support the mission of WEGO Health: to empower the patient voice. With 16 award categories, the WEGO Health Awards are the only awards across all conditions and platforms, that recognize the over 100 thousand inspiring Patient Leaders who raise awareness, share information, and support their communities – but often without recognition.
It is a huge honor to be part of such a great group of nominees!  Thank you…

View original post 80 more words

WEGO Health Awards Nominee for Advocating and Influencing the Migraine Community. Endorse Now

Featured Image -- 230

I am excited to announce that I have been nominated for the 2018 WEGO Health Awards!!!!!!! I have been nominated for “best kept secret” “best in show Instagram” “best in show community” and “best in show facebook” WOW!!!!!!!!

WEGO Health is a mission-driven company connecting healthcare with the experience, skills, and insights of patient leaders. They are the world’s largest network of patient leaders, working across virtually all health conditions and topics.
The WEGO Health Awards were created to celebrate those who tirelessly support the mission of WEGO Health: to empower the patient voice. With 16 award categories, the WEGO Health Awards are the only awards across all conditions and platforms, that recognize the over 100 thousand inspiring Patient Leaders who raise awareness, share information, and support their communities – but often without recognition.
It is a huge honor to be part of such a great group of nominees!  Thank you SO much for your nominations!  Now, I need your help…..
I’m looking to my incredibly supportive network to help endorse me for these  awards. It is easy to endorse and only take seconds of your time!

Click here to be taken to my WEGO Health Awards profile where you can click “Endorse” under my nominee photo (thumbs up!)

ENDORSE HERE!!!!!!!!

If I have ever supported you, made you laugh, or inspired you to keep fighting – please consider endorsing me for this award.

Migraine Pose in NOT “Damn Flattering”

My latest post was about Elle Magazine’s Gross Portrayal of Migraine.  I awoke to find headlines trending and quickly typed my response.  As the days grew, so did the controversy.

To all of those publications following and advertising the “Migraine Pose” let me tell you what a real migraine suffer looks like.

Last week I started my week with a migraine.  I start everyday with a migraine so this was normal.  On Tuesday, all I wanted to do was go to my daughter’s softball game.  As a chronic sufferer I knew I needed to save my spoons (every ounce of energy I am given in a day).  I laid in my bed for hour after hour in screaming pain.  I laid in the dark, the quiet and alone.  I sat missing my therapy and emotional dog after loosing her this summer.  Let me further explain how an emotional dog has saved my sanity while fighting this debilitating disease.

That night I crawled, yes crawled, to my bathroom to brush my teeth and somehow get clothes on.  I sat clutching the counter minutes before warm ups while my legs buckled underneath me and I was unable to go.

She hit her first home run that night!

Later in the week, I was throwing up too much to leave my house for a neurologist appointment for treatment.  Your article states, “Anyone need Advil?”  Advil, in fact, has never worked for me.  I required so much over the counter medication in high school that it eroded my stomach lining and I began a cycle of medication overuse headache which often occur.  “Medication overuse is the most common reason why episodic migraine turns chronic.”* I no longer use anything not prescribed.

The next day I had my appointments and had many many injections in order for me to possibly spend a day outside of my bedroom.

Here’s my #migrainepose #headachepose

IMG_3878.jpg

No I’m not showing off my manicure and I’ve been told florescent overhead lighting isn’t the best to “pose” in

At the end of the week, I threw a birthday party for my oldest child and was pretty sure I would be unable to attend.  I didn’t go to the store until that morning and stopped twice while clutching my cart because the pain froze me in the aisles.  I wasn’t stopping to pose.

Is it ironic that my week was defined by migraine?  Was it a good story because it’s Migraine Awareness Month?  The answer is NO.  I live everyday, every week, every year of my life like this.

At first I was angry that a publication would be so irresponsible and that models would turn their backs on a disease they know first or second hand.  Then I read the comments and was shocked at the in sensitivity and mostly lack of knowledge.

I saw someone respond with saying “Honestly guys life is not that serious I have had chronic migraines once a week every month…..”  THIS got me infuriated!  Even people who suffer from migraine still have so much to learn!

Here are some facts:

  • Chronic Migraine is defined as 15 or more migraine days a month.
    • Not once a week.
  • Migraine is the 3rd most prevalent illness in the world.*
  • More than 90% of sufferers are unable to work or function normally during their migraine.*
  • In 2015, the medical cost of treating chronic migraine was more than $5.4 billion, however, these sufferers spent over $41 billion on treating their entire range of conditions.*
  • Migraine affects about 28 million women in the U.S.*
  • Migraine is most common between the ages of 25 and 55.*
    • Isn’t this the demographic of Elle magazine?

*Thank you Migraine Research Foundation for your facts!

Call to action:

What can you do?

Sign the petition begun by my migraine pal Sarah at OM.

You can also contact them via twitter, instagram and emails.  Check out Migraine Diva for more information

If someone hears a response from ANYONE I’d love to hear and see!  Please pass it along to me.

Until then, please post your #migrainepose or #truemigrainepose on social media.

Show everyone what a real migraine face looks like and make it trending to bring awareness and real truth.  With such a knockdown I’m hoping it will come back with publications telling stories of people like me, facts from creditable organizations like Migraine Research Foundation and headline teaching, uplifting and giving towards the migraine and headache community.

May Elle Magazine empower woman instead of stigmatizing them through their “migraine pose” turned “headache pose”

Elle Magazine’s Gross Portrayal of Migraine

This morning I woke up with a migraine.  I wake up with a migraine EVERY morning.  I went to bed last night with a migraine because I go to bed EVERY night with migraine.  I stumbled downstairs to get my coffee on this rainy morning hoping that my pain would lessen and shakes would dissipate so I could drive my kids to swim lessons.  After swim lessons, I face over 30 shots at my neurologists office just so I can wake up tomorrow to be able to go to the grocery store.   It’s not a glamorous life.

When I opened my social media, I saw this…….”All the pretty people on Instagram are doing the migraine pose.”  They have since changed it to “headache pose” in their title but the content still exists.

https://www.elle.com/beauty/a21947206/what-is-migraine-pose-instagram/

During Migraine Awareness Month, THIS is the reason we all need to advocate.  I scrolled through the article and was shocked to see the popular models Gigi and Bella Hadid and Kylie and Kendall Jenner.  Why am I surprised?

  1.  Over my last vacation I read Believe Me by Yolanda Hadid.  Yolanda is the mother of Gigi and Bella and wrote a book about her arduous journey with Lyme disease.  Bella and her brother also discovered that they also have Lyme.  The book was honestly written about the life of an invisible illness sufferer and the long, winding, painful, expensive, loss filled road.  I plan on writing a review of the book and all of the impactful things that I related to as a migraine sufferer.
    1. Now, here stands her 2 daughters who fight by her side for Lyme Disease totally degrading and glamouring MY invisible illness.  All the pretty people are doing it…..””Migraine Pose,” coined by makeup artist Nam Vo, involves posing with one or two hands pulling your face up by your temples as if you had a, well, migraine.”  Where’s the “Lyme pose”?  Migraine is not beautiful, it’s a neurological disease!
  2. Kendall and Kylie Jenner are not known for their responsible modeling choices.  They seems to be ok with offending people to make a dollar but their own sister Kloe has often been heard to speak of her migraine.  Once again, even family is insensitive to the extreme nature of this debilitating disease.

During Migraine Awareness Month (#MHAM) so many of us are striving to make the face of migraine seen.  Elle magazine is NOT showing the face of migraine.  When I get a migraine above level 7, I throw up violently, loose speech and cognition, loose ability to walk and often crawl to the bathroom.  I can’t read, drive, be in light, have sound in my presence, experience muscle spasms, have sensitivity to touch and pass out from the head pain.  THAT is what migraine looks like.  Not a pretty model “showing off her manicure.”

I saw that migraine is trending in ALL the wrong reasons!

Here are a few examples of my migraine pose….(In reality my level 10s will never be photographed because they put me in grave danger.)

Did you ever notice how pets sense pain?  Humans blatantly disregard each other while no explanations need to be made to a dog.  I’m not showing off my manicure or pulling my face taught towards the light to look beautiful.  I’m surviving.  I’m using my best friend and therapy as a way to fight the pain.

But for some reason THIS isn’t trending.  I wonder why?  Pain isn’t pretty and shouldn’t be portrayed as a glamorous way to live.

Comment below with your migraine pose and share this.  THIS is what should be tending! SHARE that migraine is not beautiful.