This summer was fun, fast and filled with migraines. In the last few weeks, my emotions have been building for the fall excitement. My first child is entering Kindergarten. For some that may not be a big deal, but for a stay at home mom it’s momentous.
On top of this momentous moment, I am also starting a job after 6 years. Over the last 6 years my only focus has been on my babies, family, dog, and home that we make. It’s the biggest and hardest job to stay home and I’m so lucky to have had the opportunity. One of the luxuries of staying home is that I can deal with my migraines on my own. With a job, my migraines are public and open to scrutiny. Absences require subs and placing responsibilities on others. The stress of missing work, throwing off schedules and not being a good employee is huge! I love the position I was hired for and really want everyone to grow and thrive.
So between the stress of starting a new job, the devastation of my baby leaving me all day and a change in our whole dynamic, I’ve been walking on needles to avoid a migraine. Here’s the thing with migraines, they don’t care who, what, where, when or why you don’t want it, it comes! In fact, sometimes it feels like my migraines know the worst time and hits me right then.
That’s because emotions trigger migraines! All emotion filled events I get a migraine anticipating, during, or after the event. I have had one on most holidays, many weddings, baby showers, birthdays, concerts, sporting events and more. Events bring migraines, change brings migraines.
So with all these events and change, I have tried to numb my emotions. I remind myself of Scarlett O’Hara saying “I’ll think about that tomorrow.” I haven’t allowed myself to fully feel the change because I just can’t. I cried a bit when I dropped my daughter off but had a staff meeting and needed to pull it together. I didn’t sleep the night before and lack of sleep is another trigger I was trying to deal with.
The excitement of my job is huge and setting up is a trigger also. The heat, the lights, the cleaning, and the reorganization takes a lot. It’s all wonderful and fun but those things can also be a trigger.
So I sit here thinking to myself, how do I fully feel these emotions without being sick? I can’t. I can’t sit and cry about how yesterday I was holding my baby in the hospital and now she’s waving goodbye to me for the day. I have been with her, planned every event and known exactly where she is for the past 6 years. Now I just wave and don’t hear from her for almost 7 hours! The worry just sends me through a tail spin.
Next I throw myself into a new job and I don’t have time to be in my dark room. I need to be planning. Once I’ve planned I need to be well enough to fulfil those plans. I have such high hopes and my ambition scares me in that I will not be able to live up to it.
Bottom line is, emotions trigger. I can’t imagine being able to feel how I feel and not worry about it. As if emotions aren’t complicated enough, controlling them is imperative. So I’ll just worry about that tomorrow, shake off those tears, numb the fears and just keep swimming.
What do you do to control your emotions from triggering you? How do you do it?